I know I have neglected you the past week or so, but I am going to catch up soon. I promise. I have a lot to talk about, but I just can't seem to get my head above water this go round. I am far more tired and emotional post Claire than I was either one of the boys. I knew having a toddler and newborn, and one already in school wasn't going to be easy, but I never imagined that it would be this hard. I am feeling slightly inadequate. There are moments I feel overwhelmed, and I can't even give my poor husband a specific reason why, or a particular thing I need help with.
Things seem like they are going to get a little better. Sarah has offered to let Ethan play in her room after school so we can pick him up after nap time versus during, and that worked out great today! I remind myself when I get discouraged how lucky I am to have such helpful people in my life. Getting up at 6:30 to get Ethan ready for school stinks, but it could be much worse (although I feed Claire at 6:00 so I'm already up, I just don't get to go back to sleep). Thank goodness Michelle goes out of her way to pick Ethan up and give him a ride to school. If I had to get them all in the car and drive all the way there that early in the morning at this time I think I'd jump off the Lewisville bridge in the process.
Davin loves his sister, and because of this I can't put her down because the second I do he is all over her, or trying to pick her up and walk off with her(he only succeeded at this once when I was going potty, but I'll spare you the nasty details), or doing something else he shouldn't be doing. I can only beat the child's bottom so much. Time out seems to be a little more effective, but not much. His new favorite past time is climbing and jumping off the furniture, or throwing his toys, one of which nailed Claire in the head today. I am not sure if this new behavior is a cry for attention or a show of jealousy, but I HATE that all I do is scream and spank the child all day long. Hate it!!!! Why can't they just behave? Why?
Then Ethan comes home and eats my face off about how his life is ruined because he can't go play outside with his friends right this second because it is too hot outside for Claire, and proceeds to throw his notorious tantrum that rivals that of a 2 year old. All I said was we were going to have to wait 15 minutes until his Daddy got home, and I would take the boys outside, but that was unbearable for him. Unfortunately for him, he didn't get to go out at all thanks to his behavior. Just another example of the constant yelling/spanking.
I am also tired of my house being a mess. I know it shouldn't matter to me, but for some reason it just does. I try to let it go right now, but it is hard. I don't know why Doug and I waste our energy cleaning it up because it is just trashed again 10 minutes later anyway. Gosh, I just paid Paula to clean the whole darn thing yesterday, and 2 hours after she left you couldn't even tell she was ever here.
Claire is a wonderful baby, and I can't complain, but she wants to nurse so much that I feel like I am about to become a permanent part of my brown recliner. As tired as I am I still love rocking my newborns. There have been moments I have looked at her realizing that she is the last newborn of my own to rock/love on like this, and it has actually brought tears to my eyes. I am trying to cherish every moment of this despite the craziness that has broke out around me.
On the days I am fortunate enough to bathe, put on "real" clothes, and comb my hair, I am hit with the reality that I will get to battle the bulge yet again. It really pisses me off that I was so careful about keeping my eating in check, and worked out my ENTIRE pregnancy, and still ended up being a fat cow when it was all said and done. I know I nurse, but that doesn't seem to be the magic ticket to weight loss for me. What really stinks is I have friends that nurse for 5 minutes and look like they were never even pregnant.
There....I feel much better having got all that off my chest.
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